I am coming up on my 30th wedding anniversary next week.  I was thinking about it the other day and I have spent 60 percent of my life in this marriage. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this statistic. I am 51 and have had rough year just dealing with the fact that I AM 51!. This marriage has had it’s highs and lows. Right now is a bit of a lowwwwwww. My advice to you youngsters out there, don’t lose sight of who you are and don’t ever lose your passion. For anything.  Because someday, you will be 51 and realize that you are closer to your own death than to your birth and it will scare the shit out of you.

I am not normally this morbid, trust me.

nickholmes:

Product placement by an awesome person. 

My youngest has just left the nest.  This mama bird is alone…. no wait daddy bird is here too, how could I forget :(   There’s an eerie quiet…..crickets chirping.  I don’t think I’m going to like this.

Home tonight, just the two of us…again.  You at your laptop, me at mine.  A familiar scene. What about tonight. Wishful thinking I guess.

My daughter Jenna just got word from an admissions rep at U of Buffalo that she probably won’t get in due to her low GPA from the other college that she graduated from 2 years ago. Okay, so she was going through a very rough time for approx. 2 years while in college. But she graduated.  She has been working in retail hell for the last 2 years, gotten her head together and wants to move on and ultimately work overseas as a social worker. This is her dream. She has worked so hard to get better and I am so proud of her. My heart broke when she called me at work and told me about all this.  I know, I know, there are plenty of other colleges she could attend but she just sounded so sad on the phone.

Tonight she is spending the night at her childhood friends place. And I know that Kara can cheer her up. And when she gets home, we’ll figure out plan B.  I love you Jenna.

I have been looking forward to this week off since my last vacation.  One week at work simply blurs into the next. It’s really time for a change in more ways than one. This week is going to be about me, I have decided. Tattoo or massage?  The first would not feel so good at the time but would last forever.  The second would feel sooo good for an hour but then fade into a short memory. I have been thinking about a tattoo for quite some time now. Ever since I turned 50. The 50th year of my life has not been a great one on so many levels.  There is something about that number that I can’t get beyond.  I know in my heart I am not old but I feel ten steps closer to death sometimes. It’s just that fucking number. Back to the tattoo. I know where I want it but still contemplating on the design. I have a good idea what it will be and what it will mean.  And I will do it before that 51st number rolls around. (I have 2 months)

Off to play in the dirt, it’s a beautiful morning here. Peace out.

how can a job just suck the life out of you on one day and fufill you the next?Can’t there just be an inbetween?